The next day, I received a letter addressed to Sgt. Our instructor approached the directionally challenged Marine and stomped on his left foot. Ummm no, youre good, he mumbled. These military jokes about the United States Air Force are a mixed bag. What would As A.J. He says, Anyway, enough about me. As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. You seem in a good mood., He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.. The fighter jet stops whining once the engines are cut off. Reply: I recommend you divert your course 15 degrees south to avoid a collision. Put your hand up if youre the laziest., 24 men raised their hands, so the senior chief turns to the last man and says, Why didnt you raise your hand, sailor?, The sailor replies, It was too much trouble, senior chief.. 100 Hilarious Airplane Jokes That Are Surely to Take Off Unless you're a pilot, an aeronautical engineer, a hang-around traveler, or simply someone who enjoys aviation, airplane jokes are surely right up your alley. 'Never fly in the same cockpit. After a long pause, he thundered, The alphabet?!. Divert your course NOW! Now, I was shy of six feet tall, but when our drill sergeant called for all six-footers to line up, I stepped forward anyway. My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing Humankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock all the doors. Heres what they came up with: Airspeed, altitude, and brains: Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.. ! Again, no reply. 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. !" Marine: "Wait, stop. The modern age of military aviation is often considered to begin around the conclusion of the Vietnam war. During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. Are you sure you followed the recipe?. On-time Departure Cabin doors closed 15 minutes before scheduled departure time Subsequent delays are irrelevant. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. I enjoyed the humor section quite a bit. When the Marine finishes up, he starts to head for the door. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment. How many pilots does it take to screw in a light bulb? ", "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?". Read more. I was the tallest guy in line. Whats an LMD? I asked. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. P | Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. Share yours with us on our socials Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! Of course, he responded. They cant seem to string three Ws together. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Mother, As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition), How to Unregister a Gun in your Name? When I told him I had no clue how to make soup, he handed me a cookbook and instructed, Follow the directions carefully. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Problem: "Smoke in cabin." Solution: "Aircrew reminded fleet is no-smoking these days." Problem: "Bad smell in cockpit (B-747)." Solution: "Advice crew to wash every day." Problem: "Missile slow to leave rail." Solution: "Use a real missile. Building the Army is a part of the government's tasks, and the military is made to protect citizens during war-time. I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free. My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. 'There are bold pilots, and old pilots, but very few old bold pilots.' - 1930s Army Air Corps Sign. Without a letter from public affairs, well have to take your camera. I did the only thing I could do: I pulled a notepad and pen from my bag and wrote a letter giving myself permission to take photos. Do not conduct live fire exercises at the generals (unattended) jeep, even if its parked in an area clearly marked Live Fire Zone. 35. Marine: Wait, stop. It was carefully encased in a Tupperware container and came with this note: Dick, when youre finished, can you mail back my container?. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a paring knife, I could peel these potatoes faster. The cook turned slowly to my father and said, Son, youre in the Army. You might be in the Coast Guard if you think of Fridays as field days. Aeronautical Humor. Bad altitude. One day, the pilot of a single-engine Cherokee was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. Climbing out of the wreckage, Brian asked Tommy, Any idea where we are?, I think were pretty close to where we crashed last year Brian, 5. Only one. Why is the United States Air Force the most patriotic military branch? Airmens mess, sir.. Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone. (Hang up. The reason? Two PFCs are walking down the street and one of them says, Oh look, a dead bird. The other PFC looks at the sky and says, Where? When the plane was descending for the landing, the Marine put his boots back on and quickly realized the Soldier had been spitting in his boots. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. ", Continental 635 "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff roger; and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers", 53. My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. 8. 9. All of a sudden, a lieutenant pulls up, hops out, and asks Is your car stuck sir?, The general climbs out, hands his keys over, and slides into the lieutenants car before saying, Nope. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. Ramrod straight, each would respond, Marine Air Group 36, sir or Second Marine Division, General. Then there was one young private. Now he likes peanuts.. Me: Hello? They bagged six. The dog is there to bite the pilot if the man so much . During the question-and-answer period, he was asked, How did you know the war was over? You had tents?" After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base, in Germany, with my eight siblings and me, all under age 11. USAF Manual It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you have just bombed, 6. I'm impressed! 6, 2 to cheer, 2 to fire the weapon and 2 to take pictures! Flight Announcements 4. Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike? I will take the both of you for a ride. Fish Food. 34. Why arent there any insects in an Army base? The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. OHH OHOH! Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. It is always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. Did you make it all by yourself? St. Why was the sergeant made when his son brought home an A in math? I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a very close shave. The tenant shook her head. ! Navy Pilot: Were flying faster than the speed of sound! Why doesnt the Army team have ice on the sidelines during football games? Top Flight Deck / Cockpit Jokes and Memes Collection. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. 5. The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. A cookie and a piece of cake joined the army, but eventually, they abandoned their fellow soldiers. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble for that, the gunner said. I say again, stand down and divert your course. One of the reasons the Air Force, Army, Navy, and Marines bicker so much is because they dont speak the same language. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. Pilot "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Aircraft Engineers 1. Air Traffic Control 6. A military sergeant lieutenant saying Based on my experience Why did the Soldier bring a blanket to an active battle zone? They know how to take up space. DeFrigNo! Nothing, she said. What do you call a second lieutenant surrounded by PFCs? Thats my wifes breast pump.. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. Good news and bad news, my instructor said. Did it work? At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. While serving in Vietnam, my friend and his buddies were hunkered down in a mud-filled hole that had been dug into the side of a berm and covered with lumber for protection. Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ..I Shall Fear No Evil. Corporal Wabo is a former Infantry Squad Leader with 3rd Bn 4th Marines that specialized in Mortars. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. Adding one, came from my saw carrying ARMY soldier: How many Marines does it take to fire a machine gun? 16. From the pilot during his welcome message: We are pleased to announce that we have some of the best Flight Attendants in the aviation industry. 32. The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?, Without hesitating the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth! Remember them the next time youre talking to a friend or family member that has served as a Marine because these jokes are bound to make them smile. Two Army second lieutenants started debating over certain distances. And we don't even wonder 'why' because one has to twiddle their thumbs one way or another. She's been working as a writer, editor, QA specialist, and SEO professional for more than four years. 36. Upon the Vietnam war's conclusion a lot of money was invested in creating the next class of aircraft. Did it work? You might be a Coastie if a cruise does not sound like a vacation to you. How tough? He then made his way to my side. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. 3. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. You might be in the Coast Guard if you abbreviate words so much that you forget how to spell them out. What do you call a training sergeant whos very kind and respectful? Civilian CASUAL TEES are not acceptable. From the plane came a laconic southern voice: . 9. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. Scan the list below to find some hilarious military one-liners that will make your Navy friend laugh like crazy. The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. But 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. ", The customs agent began his interrogation "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband, or illegal drugs in your possession? Shotgun: Comparison for a First-Time Gun Buyer, What Are The Basic Parts Of Ammunition? I would stay behind and neatly print each soldiers name onto his Army-issued underwear. A drill serGENTLEMEN! Unfortunately, the sun was shining through a porthole right onto his face. Trust us; we have plenty of those, too. Me: Hello? If air traffic controllers screw up, pilots also die. As the soldiers disembarked, they started to jeer and boo. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a My granddaughter's husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his personnel addressed to Dear Sirs and Maams. It was received as Dear Sirs and Mamas. Phyllis Howard. As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal, 22. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him umpteen times, Stop telling people Im in the Army! It finally seemed to hit home because on the admittance form for kindergarten, under fathers profession, the teacher wrote, He doesnt know what his father does, but hes not in the Army.. P | Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent. What did the Coastie say when his friends asked why he was getting married? We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. What do you call a group of kids who enlists in the military? If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. Not long after, I had a large kettle of soup simmering. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. Passenger Cargo that talks or Self-loading freight, 58. Its where we park the helicopters.. What do you call a deer thats enlisted in the Air Force? Its got to be the Air Force because theyre U.S. AF! While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then opened the floor to questions. More information More like this Max Stanley (Test Pilot) The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world It can just barely kill you, 31. Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. 50. U.S. Navy Warship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees south to avoid a collision. 4th of July 2022: Celebrating the Birth of Our Nation & Its Heroes, Military Appreciation Month 2022: Saluting Those Who Serve, Veterans Day 2022: Celebrating Those Whove Served. The Lasting Supper Oh, youre a troop who survived pepper spray AND mustard gas? This class yielded some very famous aircraft, many we still use today. ", The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it on the ground, took off her clothing and said, "Take what you want", The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway". I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. We were a tough group. There was one particular sergeant that worried about everything possible. On-time Arrival Obscure term meaning unknown, 63. What do hungry Marines eat? !An angry voice finally replied, My name aint George!. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. 12. Military 3. Killed bin Laden. "As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position", 18. And you also make me nervous when you visit.. One day, at an event honoring veterans, a young man asked where they had been stationed. We have one or two in here! I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. Two hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. 49. For more information about us or joining the team, check out the About Us tab. When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. Take a look at the military jokes about the U.S. Marine Corps below to find some hilarious quips. She also liked her scotch. I thought you had to be in relatively good shape to join the Marines.. When they come home, they get to leave their inlaws thousands of miles away. Soldier: Sure, buddy. Read more. My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and eventually one of them will. Ordered a private to bring back a five-gallon can of dehydrated water (in fact, the sergeant just wanted an empty water can). Learn from the mistakes of others. The good news: You got a bulls eye. Before my head could swell too much, he added, But it was in somebody elses target.. Rodrigues there? 44. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I will not charge you. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. Unfortunately, the sun was shining Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. 'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant. I wanted to join the Marines but I fell just short of their requirements. 46. When a Navy fighter pilot saw this, he decided to approach the man and see what he was doing. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. Even his son turned up. Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself., My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. 2. Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. Sidling right up to the student, the speaker shouted in his ear, What would you do for a patient in the event of a nuclear war? Do you have change for a dollar? He then added confidentially, Weve already been through three escorts. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. Do you know where the sensor is located? my coworker asked. Reply: No, I say again. Sent a recruit to medical-supplies office in search of fallopian tubes Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. These jokes are perfect for anyone in the military to laugh at. See, Connor? he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the base operator asked him. Did you hear about the big accident on base? The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. HubPages is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. Bomber Pilots Do Them Too. One day, the rain was pouring like crazy and a big puddle formed in front of a local pub just outside the Navy base. Sure, its hilarious to poke fun at rival branches sometimes. A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. But I had the last laugh. Airline Club Lounge Paradise like kingdom guarded by dragon-like creatures, 59. Dear Soldier, If youre having a rough day, remember the most important thing in life is to be yourself. I smiled and said, Sure was a lot of em, huh sir?. The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase. He told them "you must find your own way to this beach head for 0600 tomorrow morning, there you will be tested like never before". As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. SUB sandwiches! These pilots' jokes can easily be turned into a pilot pun and other airlines' jokes. It was sheer brilliance. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. 39. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. An officer calls a young Soldier to attention, scolding him for not attending camouflage training that morning. Youre the only one I can think of she wont be able to drink under the table.. However, a great landing is one where you can use the airplane again afterwards. As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. Dont think so? Six Triple Eight Film by Tyler Perry Is Coming to Netflix, Havana Syndrome Still a Mystery, but Foreign Involvement Unlikely, After a Storied Career, Paris Davis Is Finally Receiving His Medal of Honor, Here are 200 Remote Jobs for Veterans in 2023. 8.3.4 Modern aviation history. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. I just shut down two engines, kid" came the sarcastic reply. When the general asked, Which outfit are you in? the Marine replied, Dress blues, sir, with medals!. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. Death is just natures way of telling you to watch your airspeed. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took . Some are jokes that only the U.S. Air Force can understand while others are jokes made about those who are USAF members. 1. Me: No. 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. Unfortunately for him, our lecturer caught him. Hence, the Army will post guards in specific vulnerable areas. Thanks.. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. Its not weak, he replied. Soldier: No way, you guys had air conditioners? On an internal Flight with a very Senior Flight Attendant crew, the pilot said, Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. I got one here related to the tranparency of Soviet news.. ----- *News report from Soviet press agency* A friendly communist agricultural tractor was intercepted by enemy group of seven Chinese battle tanks, while performing its everyday works on wheat fields along Soviet-Chinese border. He needed COVER! Because hes a captain in the Air Force. If a baby joined the Army, where would they belong? You can see why: What do you call a training sergeant who's very kind and respectful? The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing every day. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? Sometimes I think war is Gods way of teaching us geography. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. How tough? When our drill instructor demanded an explanation, the man bellowed, This recruit has proved himself worthless and weak and is being mailed home to his mother!. Why do members of the military often marry lovers from the foreign countries they were deployed in? We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. A lieutenant stood up and asked, Is that 24 hours our time or 24 hours their time?.